And I’ve been thinking

Posted: June 4, 2013 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , ,

Last night I stayed at a friend’s house, sleep overs are great.  And we lay in bed and chatted, later then perhaps we planned to – we were both shattered from our different busy days.

we lay in the dark and chat soon turned to the gloryhole – because it is a fascinating topic.  My friend was curious and I was happy to share, talking helps me understand what I am thinking.  In my previous post I shared the mechanics of the situation yet we talked more about the emotional.

How during the first client I remember thinking, about how I didn’t know what I was supposed to be thinking.  I opened my eyes (I have to consciously decide to open my eyes whilst giving a BJ, I don’t know why).  All I could see was the MDF board of the gloryhole.  This seemed to me a ridiculous view, I wanted to see something better then.  But this image and it’s ridiculousness was all I could see.  Am I supposed to feel something at this point.  what is going on, in  my mind my heart.  Not much really, is there supposed to be a reaction.  Anything?

I think culture, society, everything teaches us that there is supposed to be a response, a negative one.  I don’t want that reaction within me, I don’t feel it naturally.  To me the whole thing felt entirely OK.  But still this feeling there should be something else as a feeling.

Society has taught me to censor myself, trained me to react in a certain manner.  If I don’t react in that manner it’s ok, I don’t have to react like that, I can react in a way that is natural to myself.  I don’t have to oppress myself into society’ idea of femininity and “good” behaviour.

 

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