Many days of the week I have sex with someone, different people mainly.  We meet in hotels, homes, I stay for an hour maybe two.  And I am paid.  I am often touched, intimately, spend time close with another.

And yet I crave human touch.  More then anything else right now.  I want human touch, to be hugged, stroked, fall asleep in the arms of another.  Anything – as long as there is a prolonged human touch.

It seems ironic when I touch so many people in such an intimate way that I would feel starved of closeness.  But it is different.  There isn’t the same connection somehow.

I think it is how I can’t relax in the same way,  I want to be able to let go, become weightless in that touch, that hug.  But you can’t let go when you are so focused on:

  • what is he doing
  • where are his hands
  • what does he want
  • is he enjoying this
  • do i look sexy
  • feel sexy to him
  • am i still safe
  • ………………..the list could go on

It makes me tense, unable to relax, not there in the moment.  Because I am so busy orchestrating that perfect moment, that is exactly what that client wants right then and there.  Acting and pretending so perfectly that the client will never guess that the moment isn’t real, that it doesn’t exist outside that moment.

I’ve been lucky recently with spooning from friends, and it leaves me feeling so relaxed and happy.  Content with the world.  TV shows people high fiving at getting laid, i’m far happier when i get to spend a night spooning someone I feel I can trust.  The next day i want to shout it from the roof-tops.

Sometimes, it's just a cigar

I am writing this on my phone.
The phone men use to contact me for sex.
The phone I use to check for assaults in my area.
The phone I can use to call for help.
The phone the Irish want to remove from me so I must go on the streets.

I am writing this on my phone, the phone I use to post my ads.
The ads which will get me imprisoned in America for making clear what I will and won’t do.

I am writing this on my phone, looking at the condoms that protect me.
The condoms the Scottish want to take away and use as evidence against me.

I am writing this on my phone, in a safe, dry room. A room the Norwegians will evict me from if they discover what I use the phone for.

I am writing this on my phone, the…

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Old Vs. Young

Posted: October 23, 2013 in Uncategorized
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It has been a while since I have posted.  Life has been incredibly busy recently, it always is at the end of the summer travels. 

I am now back at home and settling in work, study, life.  I’m working just a little because I don’t need to work more and I don’t want to.  I work to live, not live to work. 

Today I would like to talk about age of my clients.  My clients vary in age, from their early 20s to somewhere in their 60s.  All of my clients have been civil and lovely to me. 

My older clients are delightful, gentle (except when we’ve agreed for something more kinky) and, they love to make me come.  I mean seriously.  They want to make me cum, and cum, and then cum some more.  sometimes it gets to a point where I literally can not come anymore.  I am begging them to stop, there is only so much pleasure that a body can take. 

I am lucky because I can cum again and again.  Also it isn’t that hard to make me cum.  If I am in the mood for cumming it literally is a matter of stopping me from cumming. 

These older clients take some of the meeting time to talk, about themselves, their lives, their ideas.  There is a connection that forms between us during the session. 

Younger clients though are a whole other kettle of fish.  There was one who wanted to fuck for the WHOLE hour, constantly.  He would cum and then be trying to get it hard again.  He wanted to squeeze every second out of that session.  There was little talking, just fucking.  It was exhausting, one of the most exhausting meets I have ever had. 

I wonder how these two different sets of people differ in what they are trying to get out of the session.  A sensual enjoyable session with connection and pleasure.  A session which is just an alternative to masturbation with a pretty face (me? modest?) to help them along. 

Bring on more of the oldies please xxx

 

 

 

 

Number 4

Posted: August 12, 2013 in Uncategorized
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This client was a delight.  It felt like the first “proper” client, as this was my first client beyond the learning how to do this SW thing where I have often been underpaid.  This client gave me my pay at the beginning of our meeting, it was in a white envelope.  It was pretty cool really.

We share canapes, drank beer, drank wine.  He taught me about good Tequila and bad Tequila.  We tasted good Tequila, it was very pleasant.

We talked, he wanted to know about my experiences on craigslist. I felt awkward sharing this information with him.  I told a few stories though.  He seemed to like that.  We chatted for a long time.  About all sorts of things.  He was a very interesting person.

We had sex.  He was very much in control, there was a strength to him and authority that could easily have become scary.  But it was also very enjoyable.  He made me cum a number of times.  He never did.  But he also gave the impression that was a normal for him.

We said good bye, and I walked home, much drunker then I had planned to get.

I like to keep myself safe.  And that is why, for me, using a condom every single time genitals touch is important.  Really important.  To protect me, them, everyone from disease, pregnancy, etc.

I really don’t understand why you wouldn’t WANT to use them.

But, over the last year this boundary, although always clearly stated, has been broken a number of times.  In my personal and business life.  It is just such a rude thing to do.  I really do not get it.

I give my consent to have sex with you, not get infected by you.

I have now got the stress of going to get tested for STI’s because some rubbish people had to have sex without a condom, without discussing this first.

Also in the last year I have met people who have argued about using a condom (both within my private life).  No condom, no sex, it really is very simple.  But people make out like wanting to use a condom is strange.  I don’t know where you’ve been so stay out of there without protection

Answering craigslist adverts is always entertaining.  Found a particularly special job recently.  This was to take photos of a naked, masturbating man.  He wanted these photos to swap with his hot lover.  Which is all kind of sweet really.

We met, drank wine, talked.  Reassuring each other that neither of us were insane people.  Neither of us appeared to be to crazy.  So with a little giggling we returned to his apartment. 

His apartment was amazing.  A really beautiful space.  A little overly large maybe, but it was really lovely.

He was awkward, this was clearly something he had never done before, being naked and sexual in front of a total stranger.  I tried to reassure him, allow him to make the boundaries of what he was comfortable with.

We took some good photos together.  I really enjoy it, I think I would like to take more photos of men masturbating.  But maybe I am just a little strange. 

He showed me the pictures his lover had sent.  They were really amazing.  Very sexy and hot.  I hope she likes the photos I took.

Overall it was a very enjoyable evening.  I hope for more work like this

two and three

Posted: August 1, 2013 in Uncategorized
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Client two and three, a little about my experiences with them.

client two had made a real effort.  He wasn’t sure what to expect. what to do.  He had lit candles all around the place.  We drank and talked, putting the world to rights,  Politics, films, Life.  It was good to chat.  And then he came over and sat next to me.  Stripped me, with amazing consent.  like he had read and taken in all the consent Zines in the world.  And he made me cum and cum and cum.  it really was quite quite amazing.  And then I left.

Client three was awful.  The evening was good, we ate good food, his voice was lovely – it was the best part.  He isn’t so well off, and I was payed very little for this evenings work.  And he kissed like an octopus tentacle.  Shoving his tongue as far into my mouth as possible, and sucking my lips so hard it hurt.  It was horrific.  And he whispered these sweet nothings that simply came across as creepy and horrible.  It continued on in this horrific fashion.  Until it was late enough i could demand to sleep.  We woke for breakfast, had sex. Ate. Went out, I was glad to see the back of him.   

There is a phrase that a young single bisexual woman interested in participating in a threesome with a hetero couple is a unicorn.  Because this woman is impossible to find.  Well not that impossible it turns out – I was that woman last night.

I answered an advert on Craigslist.  Apparently written by the female half of the couple (actually written by the man – she did though do the replying to me).  We exchanged some emails, mutually decided that neither of us was to weird to meet up with and agreed to meet.

We met for a meal together (they paid – so happy about that, am very poor atm).  They seemed very normal, I came across well.  We returned to their apartment, had another drink.  Showered and retired to the bedroom.

I had been informed that the female half of this couple was bisexual too.  I really am not sure.  She seemed to be very directed by the male in her ideas, and what she wanted.  Generally not just in the bedroom.  And there were definitely the feeling sometimes that she was totally not into what was going on.  We kissed for a very long time, and she didn’t seem to get anything from this at all.  So i definitely didn’t feel she was that interested. 

Later the man informed me that she would maybe be more willing to explore my body if I didn’t have pubic hair, she really doesn’t like it apparently.  Also he said that he finds that 3somes are more exciting, exponentially so.  This really made me feel that it was his suggestions and she simply went along with them.  This doesn’t exactly feel great for me.  He also overstepped one of two boundaries that I set out.  Which is pretty shitty really.

The sex overall though was simply amazing, I had a number of orgasms, as did she and he also came more then once.  in many respects it was a lovely evening, fine food, interesting company, good sex.

I have been invited to be their Unicorn at the weekend.  I’m not sure if I will attend.

I expected this post to be different from the one that I am writing.  I expected it to be full of my fears, trepidations, emotions as I stepped out into the bright new world of Full Service Sex Work.  Instead I am writing about Lies.

This isn’t due to any harm coming to me.  Just a comment on the fantasy world this client created, and wanted to share.  He assured me he knew everywhere, like the back of his hand.  As we started on a short tourist tour of the city.  After a while it became clear he did not.  His grasp of the local language was exaggerated.  I am sure his position in his job was exaggerated.  It soon felt nothing he said was true.  

He told me stories of his ex, although I now suspect that this “girlfriend” is his former wife.  He told me his apartment was shared with a friend.  I think he is sleeping on the floor of the living room of the apartment he shares with his former wife. 

He told me about experiences he had clearly never had.  How this had resulted in the most amazing experiences, yet never shared beyond that.  He wanted to agree with everything I think.

I met his friends. His behavior was bizarre.  One of them appeared to be his boss.  His friends were lovely sane people.  I liked them a lot.  One said something about how sometimes at clubs there are older men, who are very nice, buy you drinks, take you home to prove to their wife they still “have it”.  I think this was a reference to my client and his behavior.

The sex was terrible – like the fumblings of a teenager.  I lied, bashfully, about cumming.  Maybe I should have taken time to improve his technique, but he wasn’t paying me nearly enough for that.  It didn’t last long (thankfully).  We left for a party.

The party was ace – just the sort of thing I would do in my own free time.  Was so happy for that.  Amazing place, atmosphere, music, people.  Loved every second of it.  Apart from the oppressive heat.

But the whole night has left me wondering about the truth of this man and his life. 

Advert

Posted: July 25, 2013 in Uncategorized
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I did something today, something I have never done before.

I posted an advert.  An advert that was advertising myself.  Now I just have to wait and see if anyone answers.  If no one does I guess I have to overcome the sadness of a slightly broken ego.  Everyone’s ego would surely be a little broken if no one wanted them. 

I will then reword the advert as my rational mind will tell my irrational emotions and sense of rejection that it’s ok, the wording was just off.  I am a very desirable individual, and of course people want me.

Wish me luck

xxx